Witchwood Comb

[Sam Harris]

Witchwood Comb
Aura moderate enchantment and illusion; CL 9th
Slot head; Price 30,000 gp; Weight -
Description
The teeth of this polished white wooden comb are carved to resemble bare winter trees. Once per day, the wearer may call into being an illusory forest of creaking, rime-covered birch and tangled undergrowth, covering a circular area with a radius of 60 feet and centered on a point within 100 feet of the wearer. This effect is similar to that produced by mirage arcana (DC 17 Will save to disbelieve), with two additional properties: first, creatures that fail to disbelieve the illusion treat the entire affected area as difficult terrain. Second, the weird shadows and sounds of the forest are disturbing even to those who perceive its illusory nature: all morale bonuses in effect on the wearer’s enemies within the area are suppressed (a separate DC 17 Will save negates). The comb’s effects persist for 10 rounds or until dismissed by the wearer.
Construction
Requirements Craft Wondrous Item, cause fear, mirage arcana; Cost 15,000 gp

[Clark Peterson]

Interesting but where is the general application for this? This item really seems like a plot or story item to me--the kind of item designed specifically for an adventure and appears in the sidebar of said adventure. That's not really superstar. That said, though it has that feel to it in part, I think it is really a well done item generally. It is not, however, the best of the top items. Good luck!

[Wolfgang Baur]

I like the idea of conjuring up a forest: seems like a fey or elvish item, possibly useful to slow pursuit or offer a place for an ambush.

I think this is interesting, with concrete description and a power that is a spell PLUS extra effects. I don't know that there are many items that create difficult terrain, so points for originality.

I'd love for it to have some additional power beyond terrain, but I vote keep.

[Sean K Reynolds]

I like the feel of it, but I think it has limited utility--it's almost a plot device.

[Tom Phillips]

First of all, congratulations on making the Top 32! That in itself is a major accomplishment and it’s something you should take great pride in. You rock!

I love the creepy, wintery imagery this item evokes. The name is great too. "Witchwood" evokes a certain otherworldly fey aspect that appeals to me (heck, this comb would pair well with my feywhisper crown from last year). I could see a witch, ranger, or druid making great use of this item to bewilder enemies or evade pursuit. Nicely done!

[Steve Miller]

I like the evocative writing of this entry. 30,000 gp is very steep for a difficult terrain, morale bonus suppressor. Compare this once per day item to the entangle spell. Entangle has a 40 feet radius compared to the Witchwood comb’s 60 feet. Entangle has guaranteed difficult terrain, where creatures need to fail a DC 17 Will save to be hindered by this item’s power. Entangle also beats out this item on duration. Taking away the price issue, the mobile ambush site and morale bonus suppressor is a good idea.

[Mike Welham]

Welcome to the Top 32, burrahobbit!

The comb is another item that gets through on flavor, but it is incredible flavor. The item itself could have a little more to it to make it stand out, and I hope you do that when you develop your archetype while still keeping your evocative descriptions.

Best of luck to you in the contest!

[Garrett Guillotte]

I remember this item, and while it didn't make my Keep or Feedback lists, I enjoyed looking at this from a Ranger's point of view. They'd love popping up a quarter-acre of their favored terrain on demand.

That strategy requires GM complicity as it's not RAW. I'd allow it, but I'd bet there's a rule somewhere that states rangers can't use illusory terrain as favored terrain.

[Drejk]

Classic fairy tale item. It made me vote for it a few times. I would prefer longer duration, however.

[Kiel Howell]

Congrats!

I liked this item's description in the opening sentence.

It rang of plot item to me.

I still liked the flavor, but will definitely need to see a step up in the following rounds!

[James Olchak]

Reminds me quite strongly of Vasilisa's comb from Chapter Four of Hellboy: Darkness Calls. Which is perhaps a coincidence, but an "icy woods summoning comb" seems like an odd thing to evolve in separate environments as it were. Which doesn't really matter to me anyway, because I don't really see much use for the item, especially considering how pricy it is.

Edit: Some later posters have suggested that this is, in fact, a legitimate item from the legend of the Baba Yaga, and not, as may be inferred from this post, a recent invention.

[Oceanshieldwolf]

I kinda liked this item, but I do agree with the judges points re: plot item.

I know as a DM I'd be frustrated with this sucker being pulled out every day...

DM: A crash in the heathland alerts you to intruders. You see x number of Dire furnkleworps riding Horrid megabloppix, hurtling toward you with scythes raised in anger...
Player: Ok gang, these guys are tough. And I haven't used it today. Time for a lil Witchwood Comb action...

[R D Ramsey]

I just didn't get this item. A comb that makes an illusion of a forest just seemed random to me. Is it based on an existing legend?

[Prizrak]

A good choice of transplant from tales of Baba Yaga &c., but since it is a transplant, I would prefer it to be true to the original and have the comb actually transform into the illusory forest, reverting back to be picked up when the spell is over. Or go a completely different route and transform the comb into a permanent, material forest. As written, it takes an existing idea and transforms it into something that feels like an ordinary Pathfinder style item, which doesn't sound like RPG Superstar material to me. tBut "Witchwood Comb" is the perfect name. :)

EDIT: To those asking what it's based on or finding examples elsewhere, this comes from a type of fairy tale that ends with the villain [e.g. the witch Baba Yaga] pursuing the hero [e.g. a young girl], who uses a variety of mundane objects given to her by her mother or a helpful animal to slow down her pursuer. One of these is a comb that sprouts into a forest; another is a handkerchief (I think) that turns into a sea. The morale suppressor is original as far as I know, though.

[Thomas LeBlanc]

I agree with the others that said this item seemed like a plot device. I also felt it was a SIAC as well, but the fact the morale bonuses were negated rather than penalized made this item neat.

[agirlnamedbob]

I can see why people took issue with this item, but I quite liked it. I thought it was kind of a neat and different item that I could come up with some interesting and non-traditional uses for. It didn't strike me as a "plot item" so much as just a niche item, but I can see that side of things.

Either way, I'm not the least bit bothered to see this in the Top 32. A bit congrats and good luck next round!

[TimD]

Thematically, this one was fun.
I must admit it made my brain hurt a bit thinking about Barbarian Rage and adjudicating "suppression" of their abilities (those driven off of Morale Bonuses, at least) instead of canceling them and if it would also negate the penalties (as the text only says that the bonuses are negated, not the penalties).

Neat item though, and congrats!

-TimD

[James Conder]

Oooh, creepy. Plus, it's a comb is a nice change from the typical run of wondrous items. Suppressing morale bonuses is an innovative power. Nicely written, and due to the Baba Yaga link suits Golarion well.

[Nicholas Herold]

I like this item because it expands on mirage arcana, a spell that's never quite as good as I hope it would be.

Congratulations on making it to the Top 32! I'll see you in the archetype round!

[Guy Russell]

I totally picked up on the Baba Yaga connection with this one (as she gnaws through the forest to capture the fleeing hero), and even though I usually pass on such strong allusions to specific lore, Baba Yaga is rad.

[Bellona]

I love the fairy-tale aspect (having read about similar combs in stories as a child). Plus, that's a really evocative name. Great work! :)

If I use it in my home campaigns though, I might adapt it so that it only works once a week or something like that. (Which would probably reduce its price unless I add something like a higher DC for the saving throws ... hmmm, something to think about ...)

[Andrew Marlowe]

Congratulations, I voted for this a number of times. I like the flavor: creepy fairy tale, however I wish it had not felt like a plot device. Still it has an evocative style you have certainly earned your place in this years top 32. I'm looking forward to your round 2 archetype.

[frank gori]

The Good: Well expressed theme, sound design.

The Bad: Name implies that its designed for use by Witch, I don't like that inconguity.

The ugly: Didn't consider possibilities of being in sky or sea, what about an earthgliding oracle? Misses that pathfinder can be quite 3 dimensional.

Overall: Solid item...

[goldomark]

I liked this item and voted for it a few times. I liked the idea of conjuring a illusionary forest and it's effects. It felt weird that it was a comb, but I gathered it was to tie it to witches more than a link to it's abilities. It felt a bit SIAC and the price is high, but I like what it did. Very flavorful.

Good luck on the archetype round!

[Richard Moore]

Simple and elegant. Well-written. Usual nitpick.

[Jeff Lee]

Sam,

Congratulations on your Top 32 spot! The fact that the item is a comb didn't strike me as weird at all. It's a cool winter-witchy sort of item, and I don't have a problem with an illusion-generated head item. Your description of the item and its effects are well done. I probably would have given it a fear effect (shaken, maybe) instead of suppression, because as it is now the spooky ambiance attacks characters with morale bonuses, but those that don't have any are fine. That seems off, and a shaken effect would counter or at least lessen any morale effects anyway. Good luck in round two.

[Sam Harris]

Thanks, everybody, for your thoughts and comments! I'm honored to have been given a spot here, and I appreciate your taking the time to review my item. I know Round 2 will call for bringing my A-game, so I'll do my best!

[RonarsCorruption]

Sam, congratulations on making it through.

I voted for this item at least twice, because I really like it: even though, yes, it's a bit of a plot device. Sometimes, you just need an item for the evil witch!

Mechanically it's tight, but the flavor is really there. I love the bit about suppressing morale bonuses, especially!

[Curaigh]

Congratulations Sam,

I love the creation of a forest that has other effects. The images are strong (rime frosted birch) the abilities sound if a little plot device. It might be perfect for some GMs, but less so for players and does not have a wide appeal. It doesn't need it, but just a w

Suggestions for R2: think about the bigger picture. If you are thinking as a GM you are halfway there, you need to think as a designer.

Good luck & nice job.

[Pedro Coelho]

Sam,

The witchwood comb was an easy vote for me every time. I loved the creepiness and the wicked fairy tale feel. This is one of those cases in which the flavor has a greater appeal than the mechanics. Congratulations!

[Jon Haire]

I voted for this item quite a bit. I thought the name was interesting and creating a creepy forest of trees is fun. I think the suppression of an enemy's morale bonus is smart and gives this entry mojo.

[Fredrik]

As he hobbles away, Enteri hears a signal whistle's call, alerting the watch to the crime that he has committed. Putting a hand to the comb in his hair, the vengeful druid summons a frost-crusted forest into the middle of a Taldoran street. Confident that any pursuers won't be able to see him now (DC 17 Will negates), he hustles around a corner as best he can on a gimpy leg.

Sorry again, PbPer, can't help RPing.

[Joel Flank]

I liked this item a lot. I think there should be more illusion effects that do more if targets fail their save, such as the difficult terrain and morale surpressing fear effect.

It's also always fun to have illusions that your side knows about and can effectively ignore, while messing with your foes. Way better to have your foes that fail their save deal with difficult terrain that you and your allies can ignore since you know it's illusion.

[Template Fu]

As prior entries will tell you, Template Fu is one mean point eating machine, but will also praise where praise is due.

These reviews being this in depth usually take me a while to do and they get fitted in around other demands on my time, so please bear with me if I haven’t gotten to your item yet. I will get there in the end.

Review Caveat: I try to keep things totally dispassionate and all comments herein are my own. Having not made the illustrious levels that you have achieved this year, I can only caveat that anything I propose in feedback may not be totally in line with what Paizo thinks or needs of its freelance game designers, so do consider carefully any and all feedback I make under this light.

I start your review with…

Congratulations on being selected by the public at large and then the stalwart judges!

Review Breakdown:

Template: 5/5
Perfect template use! Wow this second half of the reviews are really showing the homework that has taken place. That said, Template Fu is allowing the dash instead of emdash as he understands not everyone knows how to get an emdash into their word processing tool.

Spelling: 5/5
This bit IS boilerplate to avoid confusion. Everyone should know to use US English, so you just know that I am going to eat points for stray ‘u’ letters and similar.

Template Fu continues with his marathon watch of Heroes in his den, let’s not disturb him…

Readability: 2/5
These are readings you can get from most spelling and grammar check options in word processors, for this, I am pasting everyone’s description into Word for consistency. My grading’s are purely my own personal feelings for target scores but it should be noted these are very helpful during development to spot problems in your writing, especially passivity.

Passive Sentences 0% (wicked)
There are whole threads on this and it is possible to get 0%, which is wicked, but I would expect scores of less than 20% to be around the ideal mark for item descriptions (sometimes, you need the passive, but only rarely).

Flesch Reading Ease 40.7 (-1, try to work on this a little)
(0-30 best understood by university graduates, 60-70 easily understood by 13-15 year olds, 90-100 easily understood by 11 year olds)

Flesch-Kincaid Grade Level 14.7 (-2, owch, this was a higher score than I like)
(This equates to the grades found in the US schooling system, e,g. 8.2 means it should be understandable by the average 8th grade student)

Me as a Designer Review: 4/5
Ok, pet peeve, you know the drill, wall of words, it’s not easy to scan in the heat of play – let’s move on.

Ok, I had two issues with this, the first has been mentioned by everyone else, it is a plot device, but it is a very well done plot device.

The second one is the one that may cause discourse at the gaming table due to interpretations and issues with illusions. Now, you tend to get extra saves when interacting with an illusion as there is a chance you notice something out of kilter and so get the extra save. In my mind, walking through illusionary difficult terrain is very much interacting with the illusion and so is a perceived weakness in the design for me. This is very much my own opinion, but there you have it. I have always disliked illusions for the questions that always arise in game play so tackling this thorny area was very brave, so I applaud you for that.

Finally, can it be used in alternate planes of existence (where there may be no ground, no forests, …) or in environments that don’t exactly support forests (underground in a dungeon, underwater, on the ice flows of the frozen tundra, etc). This is where you could have superstar shone for me, thinking about the environments, e.g. on the icey tundra it calls forth shafts of ice 15 feet tall and razor sharp, underwater, it produces 30 foot long blankets of kelp – this item just needed that extra push.

Ok, I think nothing above is worth a point all of its own, but the sum total is probably a point. So you lose just the one point in this section. Well done.

Overall Impression: 3/5
This one just didn’t grab me like the other entries, it needed some more thinking about fantasy travel, the environments and planes of existence. That would have rounded it out. Sorry, but for me, I can only score a 3 in this one. I am sure you will step it up a notch now you know you are a finalist and so I look forward to your archetype with great expectation!

Final Score: 19/25
I won’t give a final score comment as I haven’t for anyone else as I work through the items.

If this interests for personal reasons, please feel free to check out everyone else’s scores and at the same time check out your competition and their feedback too!

Closing, as I started…

Congratulations on being selected!

[ellaflowers]

Prizrak wrote:

A good choice of transplant from tales of Baba Yaga &c., but since it is a transplant, I would prefer it to be true to the original and have the comb actually transform into the illusory forest, reverting back to be picked up when the spell is over. Or go a completely different route and transform the comb into a permanent, material forest. As written, it takes an existing idea and transforms it into something that feels like an ordinary Pathfinder style item, which doesn't sound like RPG Superstar material to me. But "Witchwood Comb" is the perfect name. :)

EDIT: To those asking what it's based on or finding examples elsewhere, this comes from a type of fairy tale that ends with the villain [e.g. happy wheels the witch Baba Yaga] pursuing the hero [e.g. a young girl], who uses a variety of mundane objects given to her by her mother or a helpful animal to slow down her pursuer. One of these is a comb that sprouts into a forest; another is a handkerchief (I think) that turns into a sea. The morale suppressor is original as far as I know, though.

I like the idea of conjuring up a forest: seems like a fey or elvish item, possibly useful to slow pursuit or offer a place for an ambush.

I think this is interesting, with concrete description and a power that is a spell PLUS extra effects. I don't know that there are many items that create difficult terrain, so points for originality.

[pennyejohnson]

Prizrak wrote:

A good choice of transplant from tales of Baba Yaga &c., but since it is a transplant, I would prefer it to be true to the original and have the comb actually transform into the illusory forest, reverting back to be picked up when the spell is over. Or go a completely different route and transform the comb into a permanent, material forest. As written, it takes an existing idea and transforms it into something that feels like an ordinary Pathfinder style item, which doesn't sound like RPG Superstar material to me. tBut "Witchwood Comb" is the perfect name. :)

EDIT: To those asking what it's based on or finding examples elsewhere, this comes from a type of fairy tale that ends with the villain [e.g. basketballlegends the witch Baba Yaga] pursuing the hero [e.g. a young girl], who uses a variety of mundane objects given to her by her mother or a helpful animal to slow down her pursuer. One of these is a comb that sprouts into a forest; another is a handkerchief (I think) that turns into a sea. The morale suppressor is original as far as I know, though.

I agree with what you're saying, what you're writing can be really great.

[Big cat]

I am inspired by your wonderful information, thank you for your beautiful shares.

[Jackmash2]

Template Fu wrote:

As prior entries will tell you, Template Fu is one mean point eating machine, but will also praise where praise is due.

These reviews being this in depth usually take me a while to do and they get fitted in around other demands on my time, so please bear with me if I haven’t gotten to your item yet. I will get there in the end.

Review Caveat: I try to keep things totally dispassionate and all comments herein are my own. Having not made the illustrious levels that you have achieved this year, I can only caveat that anything I propose in feedback may not be totally in line with what Paizo thinks or needs of its freelance game designers, so do consider carefully any and all feedback I make under this light.

I start your review with…

Congratulations on being selected by the public at large and then the stalwart judges!

Review Breakdown:

Template: 5/5
Perfect template use! Wow this second half of the reviews are really showing the homework that has taken place. That said, Template Fu is allowing the dash instead of emdash as he understands not everyone knows how to get an emdash into their word processing tool.

Spelling: 5/5
This bit IS boilerplate to avoid confusion. Everyone should know to use US English, so you just know that I am going to eat points for stray ‘u’ letters and similar.

Template Fu continues with his marathon watch of Heroes in his den, let’s not disturb him…

Readability: 2/5
These are readings you can get from most spelling and grammar check options in word processors, for this, I am pasting everyone’s description into Word for consistency. My grading’s are purely my own personal feelings for target scores but it should be noted these are very helpful during development to spot problems in your writing, especially passivity.

Passive Sentences 0% (wicked)
There are whole threads on this and it is possible to get 0%, which is wicked, but I would expect scores of less than 20% to be around the ideal...

Good Working

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